The glorification of “busy”
I cannot believe I haven't ranted to you about my perpetual annoyance with the concept of "busy." I mean, if my friends ranked my most frequent bee-in-my-bonnet rants, this would for sure make the top 3, and I am SO SORRY I haven't done this one sooner. (And let's all take a moment of silent appreciation that I even HAVE friends who tolerate enough of my rants to be able to rank them. They really are wonderful humans that I'm not entirely sure I deserve.)
Anyway, let me remedy my top 3 rant withholding now.
About 6 or 7 years ago, when I had either just started or was about to start graduate school, I decided (in an irritated huff, which is a bit par for the course for me) that I was never again going to answer the question "how are you?" with the word "busy." 1. Because it is not, in fact, an actual answer to that question. 2. Even if it's true, it's not the absolute first thing I want to talk about with someone, but mostly because 3. I realized that flouting one's alleged "busy-ness" is a way of signaling "look how important I am that I have all these things I'm tasked with and need to do."
This, in short, is a massive problem exacerbated by our capitalistic society. (Before you go all "oooookay socialist millennial" on me, hear me out). As a whole, we tend to value output. It's why we frequently use the word "productive," literally meaning "having the quality or power of producing, especially in abundance." But do we actually need to be "producing in abundance" all the time? Does it matter if we've checked things off our to-do list every single day? Does that make us feel deeply and truly happy and fulfilled at the end of the day? And if it does, then what happens to your happiness when you can't check things off your to-do list (like, say, in the middle of a global pandemic and the entire world is shut down)? What then? What happens to your sense of self when you are not "producing"?
"Busy" is not a thing I aspire to. It's not a lens through which I choose to view my life, and it's not a measure of my worth as a professional or as a person. I realized that I was equating "busy" with "important" or "worthy" or "good at my job/life." Those things are true whether I sit on my couch all day and eat goldfish or if I clean out the tupperware cabinet I've been avoiding for YEARS. My worth as a person has absolutely nothing to do with my to-do list or my junk drawer or how many hours a week I work.
Furthermore, I am not interested in some subconscious pissing contest about who is "busier" and therefore somehow more important with whomever I'm having a conversation with. This is not the way I want to start conversations and invite people into my life. And people who choose to have relationships in this manner are not the kind of relationships that fulfill me. I often give people a chance first, as this is often an unconscious pattern. But it's definitely not something I tolerate from the people closest to me in my life.
Also, there is always enough time. Let me repeat that: there is always enough time.
One thing I often jokingly say (except I'm not at all joking when I say this) is "eh, my job isn't that important." I mean, in so many ways it IS. It's literally my job to identify disabilities that are preventing students from learning. And at the same time, it also isn't that important. No one dies if I make a mistake, I'm not a surgeon, and there will never be an email that cannot wait 24 hours for a response.
My father, irritatingly wise man that he is, often told me when I was growing up that there is only one true excuse, and it's "I'm sorry. I didn't make that a high enough priority." Not everything can be a priority because that's not what that word means. When we identify with being busy, we're also signaling that we suck at actually evaluating what's important in our lives, and what isn't.
So, right now, I invite you to take a moment and think about what is actually a priority in your life, and what just makes you feel "busy." And then consider what your day might feel like if you stopped identifying with that word at all. How much deeper would you breathe? How much kinder and more compassionate are your email responses? How much easier is it to take a second for yourself, just to smile and enjoy the sweetness of the moment?
Choose today to be free of the tyranny of "busy."
