Take your foot off the stress pedal please
Sooooo hello. I'm not going to ask how you are, because I'm pretty sure it's somewhere between "still alive" and "hysterically crying rage monster looking to become a sheep farmer in New Zealand"
I can't fix any of this whole multiple-simultaneous-calamities thing for you/us, but I CAN help you all put your oxygen masks on while this plane plummets from the sky because apparently no one knows how to fly this damn thing.
The other day I was listening to the Brene Brown podcast (which is AMAZING), and she was talking with some researchers (Emily and Amelia Nagoski) about burn out and the stress cycle. And this concept BLEW. MY. BRAIN. So, I'm going to share it with you.
Emotions have a beginning, middle and an end, and come with a physical/biological component experience. I know a lot of us will think "duh" at this moment, but it's sometimes striking to see it pointed out so clearly. And there is a difference between "stress" which is a biological/emotional experience (with a beginning, middle and end), and "stressors" which are the things that initiate an emotional stress cycle.
Stress isn't actually a harmful thing (go with me for a second here). Our bodies are well-designed to handle stress in short bursts. The problem is when we don't complete our stress cycle, and we stay in stress longer than our bodies are designed to. Emotions are like a tunnel and you have to go all the way through them. Stress becomes damaging when you get stuck in the tunnel. It's less the stress that's the problem, and more the "stuck" that's the real issue.
Often, we attempt to manage our stress by managing our stressors. This is helpful, but ultimately doesn't impact the emotional and biological stress experience, which needs to be felt and then concluded. We are usually very good at dealing with stressors, and terrible at dealing with stress (umm. Hi. Welcome to my entire, control freak existence).
So, on this Thursday afternoon, when you've likely just been catapulted from one steaming pile of bullshit and uncertainty into a NEW steaming pile of bullshit and uncertainty and undoubtedly are in the middle of the stress tunnel, I thought it might be helpful to talk about specific things that get you to the other side.
Any kind of physical activity. Doesn't have to be intense. Just any way of moving your body tells your brain "hey, if we're stretching, we probably aren't about to be eaten by a lion. We can probably start digesting things again." Go for a walk, stretch, crawl on the floor, seriously whatever. Running will get you there the fastest, but I only run in rare moments of inspiration, when I'm being chased (literally or even just in my head), or when someone is going to get the last baked good and NO WAY am I going home without my M&M cookie.
Long, deep hugs. Like 20 seconds, until you start to feel the "melt" (y'all know what I'm talking about). If you, like me, have a significant other who gets annoyed after the 9th long hug request in an hour (I mean, fair), or if you live alone or with inadequate huggers (#thestruggleisreal), I also find that laying on the floor with a weight of some kind on my chest is very calming. I often use some 5-10 lb barbell plate weights because that’s what I have lying around (my spouse is a fitness guy without being a gym rat, so we just have a weird amount of obscure exercise equipment EVERYWHERE), but you could also use a sandbag, bag of rice, stack of books, your dog, etc. Deep pressure activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which calms the body down.
Laughter. Like deep, embarrassing snorting belly laughs. (Please enjoy this video of a man being attacked by a very persistent and aggressive Canada goose https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AMdhAFPWzFw&list=LLN7uiF4bRHX0o0jI8_d0d7Q&index=92)
Sleep/Nap. Self-explanatory human reset button. Sometimes you just have to turn things off and then back on to get them to work properly. I forget this all the time with both technology and my own brain.
Deep breathing. See: entire mindfulness industry. And also, my previous post about how I hate mindfulness but WILL sometimes sit on the floor, breathe, and say nice things to my brain.
Crying. But only if you stop thinking about the thing that's making you cry. Focus on the physical sensation of crying and what your body is experiencing. You'll probably feel a pretty major release in 5-10 minutes or less, as long as your brain doesn't keep feeding the thought and re-initiating the stress cycle (you can tell your brain that you'll consider all of those issues in a moment, but right now you're going to focus on the sensation of crying).
Guess what? You are DOING THIS LIFE THING, even if it doesn’t feel fantastic at the moment. I hope you spend a little time this week thinking about how to get to the other side of your current stress tunnel. Onward into the sunshine, friends.
