On “gratitude” and why I don’t use that word
Hello! Happy Wednesday, day 748 of the longest-year-in-history.
So, at the risk of you just laughing at this question, how ARE you? How are you REALLY? Because last week I definitely almost yelled at an elderly couple in my building for leaving the front doors open during the terrible air (because they were moving furniture). Now, I did NOT, in fact, yell at said elderly people unhappily moving furniture while breathing toxic air. But it was a close call. Because some days, you are just not okay.
When everything is both literally and figuratively on fire, it's hard to make the space for joy and contentment. So often, we hear about "practicing gratitude." But I find that the word "gratitude" is often equated with big, lofty things, like health and family. These things are so big and general, that we actually aren't even connecting with their goodness in any meaningful way.
I like to use the phrase "what's good" instead. Because "what's good" could be something big, like how I have a wonderful support network of friends who check in on each other and remember big moments or things going on in my life. But do you see how that big thing is also specific? And brings a specific image to mind? It's so much more meaningful than "I'm grateful for my friends."
But "what's good" could also be something small, and seemingly silly. Like "what's good is that there wasn't a line when I picked up my coffee this morning, and I breezed right in and out" or "what's good is that I had EXACTLY the right amount of tape left on the roll to finish what I was doing”, or "this candle that makes me smile and feel calm”, or “the way my cat runs up to greet me when I come home even if I've only just gone outside to take out the trash". I'm going to let you in on the truest life secret that I know: those seemingly silly "what's good" moments are what make up a joyous life.
What's one small thing that is good right now? For me, I just bought myself a 16 pack of paper mate flair felt tip pens in bright colors and they make my handwriting look amazing. What about you? Are your socks fuzzy and warm? Is your mug of coffee/tea the exact right shape for your hand? Do you get to look up from your desk at a family photo that you love? Are the trees making that rustling sound in the breeze that soothes your heart?
Take a moment and think about 3 "what's good" things right now. Really consider them. You'll know you've found something when the corners of your mouth start to curl up in a tiny smile. I'll wait.
(Still waiting. I can feel the eye rolls from here, but seriously, I promise you will actually feel like 4 percent happier after doing this. And if nothing else, try it, just to prove me wrong. And THEN that satisfaction that you were right and I was wrong, can be your next "what's good").
You all are incredible. You are doing an unbelievably difficult job, which is a herculean amount of effort in a NORMAL year. But guess what? We can do hard things.
I'm constantly impressed by you all.
